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When Conflict Resolution becomes a way of life.

I’ve been married for over 20 years now and I have a bit of wisdom in regards to marriage that I rarely share in public. I’m simply not interested in giving marital advice. It invites too much warfare and jeolousy. Neither of which I want to spend time dealing with when it comes to black women and their unmanaged egos. But, I’ll chime in on a statement made regarding “Conflict Resolution” in relationships. The problem with this statement is that it normalizes dysfunction, struggle and conflict. Conflict resolution on its own is not a bad thing. Acquiring the skills of conflict resolution is not the problem with black women. The problem is that it becomes the norm instead of the exception. It becomes a way of life when it only should be one of many tools used to manage relationships when it occasionally is needed. In addition, it rarely results in any type of healthy resolution if both parties are not on the same page. As we all know, black women will stay in unhealthy and unproductive relationships for 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30+ years in the name of conflict resolution or fixing someone. At worse, even if they leave, they tend to repeat the cycle with someone else… cycling that energy right back into their lives instead of doing the hard internal work to avoid it all together. Nope, what we really need is DISCERNMENT!!! “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘um, know when to fold ‘um, know when to walk away, know when to run”. “If you’re gonna play the game Gal, you gotta learn to play it right”. My man Kenny had it right the whole time.

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