Updated: Jun 28, 2021
I recently had a conversation with a good friend about my most recent YouTube videos regarding the gender divide among black women and black men. To be honest, we have been good friends for a while but we both came to an understanding that are commonality and where we can agree pretty much ends with the final startment, we both want the best for black women. Yet, what that might look like for me could be very different for someone else. In my mind, it is very possible for black women to exercise her divine right to happiness outside the black community. It is already being done. Yet, she posed the question, What is the alternative for black women outside of the black community. A good question deserves a good answer. The best way to answer that question is to first ask, What is the upside for black women to stay? More out of wedlock birth rates? The least demographic to marry? Higher rates of divorce among black couples? The continued gaslighting as well as the one sided tribal shaming when it comes to practicing hypergamy? *See (Christlyn Karezin) of The Pink Pill) on details on hypergamy, “Swirling” Interracial dating). To really care about black women, there has to be an alternative. Because, to stay and fight the good fight is literally killing black women.
We are corralled in many ways to stay and be the mules of the community. We are often given a one sided narrative to embrace our race over our “womenity”. We are reminded to stay black first….and that resting in our femininity is not encouraged nor celebrated. This is my problem with not offering a viable or saner solution for black women to thrive. If no other viable solution, then, What is? More black women filling in the role for the black masculine? More black women on the frontlines enduring full armored military police? More sweat equity spearheading social justice movements that highlight black male issues but completely ignore the unique circumstances that plague black women such as domestic violence, sex trafficking and targeted killings at the hands of black males. This is acceptable? This is what black women have to endure in the name of pro-blackness. *See Kendal St Charles (KSC) the Blue Pill or Tribeofone) in her post “If You Stop It They Will Come”
The alternative to be sovereign and to go where black women are celebrated not tolerated is scarier than being in a community that tells her she is the least to be desired??? Is the least to be chosen among men that share her phenotype. A community that accuses black women of being too masculine but won’t admit nor contextualize the reason for this masculine trait because the black community will not hold their men to higher standard. There is no provision protection or problem solving from the black patriarchy. In fact, it operates more like a “Pimparchy” *See (Fatou Diarra) who coined the term “Pimparchy“. The community loves the pimp/ whore dynamic structure and all of its pathology.
Consequently, the women have to fill the void. Yet, we are pushing for black women to stay without any expectation for reciprocity.
The root of this fear to leave is our collective low self esteem and self worth. Ironically, in the midst of all this “black girl magic” deep inside the psychy of the collective of black women is our inability to truly love ourselves. Love, incidentally, is not just a noun, but a verb in which its actions should demonstratively show self preservation by choosing yourself over others who don’t value your life. Eating well, drinking water, seeking out people who elevate and encourage the best for you. Seeing value in yourself enough to set boundaries from people who really don‘t want the best for you. Setting out in other ecosystems that are not riffed with violence and dysfunction. The alternative is simply the opposite of what black women are currently receiving. This is what black women should be striving for… this is the goal of a sovereign black woman. This has nothing to do with pro blackness.
The world is big, and black women need to pan out their perspective a bit and understand that not all black women are living in desperate pathological communities. There are black women who are not interested in engaging in one sided dynamics with the black community. Black women are already living like they have options. Quietly and unassumingly living freely unmired by race politics and struggle love narratives often found in the black community. There are black women married and thriving in environments in which they don’t have to worry about the one sided push to be the designated survivor and mule for the BC, while watching the collective of black males in big numbers leave “the building”. The better question to ask is not what is the alternative for black women who leave, but, what are the implications for black women who decide to stay?