I was perusing YouTube the other day and watched a video from Bindi Marc titled “Criticism & Envy|Traditional Homemaker and Housewife”. In her video she talked in detail about the blowback she was receiving from close relatives in regards to her choice to be a stay at home mom. She revealed the micro aggressions and out right shaming she received for choosing to forgo a successful career to a homemaker because of her strong Christian values. She shared how her own family sabotaged with each pregnancy her attempt to stay at home on a permanent basis. She succumbed to pressure each time despite the fact she felt led to be a stay at home mom.
It all started off pretty benign but gradually escalated to aggressive shaming and accusations of laziness and disappointment about her personal choice to be a homemaker. She finally came to the conclusion to stand firm in her decision. As she reflected on her experience and choice to be a stay at home mom, she realized much of it stemmed from envy from other women in her family and a foreign concept in general of seeing black women having the option to stay at home. I have to say her commentary was on point.
Most women in general receive blowback for choosing to stay home and it usually comes from other women. But, for black women, our community in particular is loathed to see black women exercise the option to be a housewife. The dominant society for years had actual laws in place to prevent black women from staying home. Black women had to work as domestics whether they wanted to or not. Being solely a housewife in your own home for many black women was not an option. Check out article below:
https://www.newspapers.com/clip/38314573/negro-women-to-be-put-to-work/ Part of the issue also is the black communities unwillingness to see black women simply as women. The daily narrative feed is for black women to see herself as black first and her divine womenhood as secondary. Her worth in general is tied to how much she can do for the community. Her value is shaped by how much she can accomplish despite all the odds. Black folks love those stories of black women persueing 5 degrees while single handedly raising 7 children with one on the way. The harder the struggle, the more worthy and redeeming. Black women are not allowed to be at ease. Anything pertaining to luxury or ease juxtaposed to black women will be triggering for many people. In particular, other black women will be the biggest saboteurs to the few select black women who choose not to work outside the home.
There’s a visceral reaction to seeing black women practicing a hypergamous lifestyle. It looks out of place to the dominant society as well as within the black community Part of the reason is because being black and a woman has always been synonymous with “work horse” or the caricature of the “Super Black Woman”. The “Strong Black Woman“ trope has diminished our femininity while at the same time emasculated black men. Yet, anything attached to our divine womenhood is regulated.
So much of this regulation will come from other black women. They will be the first to stand in the way of your sovereignty. They will be the first to remind you of your position and how you are not in lock step in keeping with the regularly scheduled programming. As always, I stay true to my motto.…Keep heading for the exits ladies. We always want to believe the enemy is on the outside waiting to devour us…. However, the inconvenient truth is that the closest ones to us are the ones taking very tiny bites off of us each day. Imperceptible bites, but, over time, tiny bites add up… until eventually, you have nothing left of yourself.
Stay true to what constitutes your own happiness. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone when it comes to personal choices. Exercise your options and stand confident in your choices. Everyone will always want to judge and control what’s on your plate. Tell them, what you eat won’t make them shit. Until next time. Bon Appetit!